Tag Archives: sexuality

7 Lessons from 50 Shades of Grey

Originally posted on Challies.com

The trailer is smoldering temptingly on computers around the globe. Fans of the book are checking their diaries and booking tickets online. Reviewers are readying their pens and preparing their remarks. In just a few short days 50 Shades of Grey will hit the big screen, just in time for Valentine’s Day.

On one level, this is just another in a long line of films with a storyline that portrays sex and relationships in ways far removed from God’s design. But it is so much more than that. I believe that 50 Shades of Grey can serve as a kind of cultural barometer that alerts us to the colossal changes that have been occurring in recent years, and to the consequences they bring.

So what can the 50 Shades phenomenon teach us today? I teamed up with Helen Thorne, who has written Purity Is Possible: How To Live Free of the Fantasy Trap, and together we prepared 7 lessons from 50 Shades of Grey.

EROTICA IS IN

Erotica used to be considered “artsy,” a niche interest with maybe just a hint of the clandestine thrown in. Erotica has been a popular genre for some time now, but has generally been one that remained muted in the marketplace, and especially when it was targeted squarely at women. But erotica has evolved. It has moved from shop-floor to shop-front, from might-read to must-read, from late-night theater to prime-time theater. This is a phenomenon we can lay largely at the door of 50 Shades. In 2012, a genre whose best-selling titles might sell 70,000 or 90,000 copies suddenly had a product that was flying off the shelves in its millions. It flew off the shelves and onto the bedside tables of women across the globe. Did you know that it was the #1 bestselling book of 2012, and the #2 bestselling book in 2013? No longer a style of book to be read behind closed doors,50 Shades and its two sequels established erotica as a genre to be read on buses, restaurants, in the office over lunch, and one to be discussed freely, openly, and without shame. Three years on, we see women (and men) now willing to buy explicit material not just for themselves or their partners but for their mother, aunt, and daughters as well. And the pundits would have us believe that 50 Shades is going to be a box office smash when it launches later this month.

SEX ISN’T JUST FOR MEN

Maybe it is too obvious to say, but women are sexual beings. In recent years a great deal of attention has been focused on pornography—internet pornography especially. Unfortunately, almost all the attention has been given to men, primarily young men, and the shocking quantities of porn they consume. But the50 Shades phenomenon highlights the fact that women are sexual beings as well, and that women have sexual struggles of their own. These struggles may take a different form than they do for many men, but they are really the same at their core—deep-rooted heart idolatries that seek comfort, control, pleasure and fulfillment through what God forbids. 50 Shades and other erotica is far from innocuous, far from just fun—it’s a real battleground for the hearts and minds of women.

EROTICA IS DANGEROUS

Erotica has its appeal (which is why it sells in such quantities, of course). The steamy and sensual scenes it portrays resonate deeply with readers of many ages and backgrounds. For some, the stories echo experiences they have found pleasurable in their past. For others, the narrative fuels plans for the future. For others still, the storyline offers to fill (even if just fleetingly) the relational void left by loneliness, marital strife, or the pain of abuse. For a few short hours the words of a book or the images on screen transport consumers to a more comfortable, more pleasurable place. But such experiences are not without their cost. Individuals enter in to the narrative and join with the characters in their quest for pleasure—or pain (both figure prominently in 50 Shades of Grey)—and in doing so reinforce the wayward tendencies of their heart. For some, the impact of such contact with erotica is not instantly obvious but, for the more vulnerable, the effects can be devastating. The lonely devote hours to fiction, which reinforces their reliance on fantasy relationships rather than real relationships. The broken become more convinced that abuse is the norm, a horror to be endured without question. The controlling see legitimacy in their quest to treat others as objects for their pleasure or convenience. And the struggling become ever more dependent on the fake images in their mind to achieve arousal when in the company of the one they aim to love.

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Compassion without Compromise

Originally posted on The Christian Pundit

The North American shift towards the expectation of the celebration of sexual sin and brokenness is continuing unabated. So what do you do, what will you do when you are asked to celebrate it? How do you respond, how will you respond to those who argue that the pursuit of sin can be reconciled with identification with Christ? How do you, and will you minister to your family members or friends who have been captivated and persuaded of the rightness of spiritually devastating “alternative” lifestyles? How do you deal with your own struggles with sexual sin?

The good news is, as the apostle of Paul wrote to the church at Corinth, “such were some of you. But you were washed…” The grace of God in Christ is always sufficient for our needs–past, present, and future. And in His grace, God continues to raise up a contemporary generation of men and women who are sharing and applying that same gospel to all.

Compassion without CompromiseIn fact, it seems that every passing month, at least in the English-speaking world, brings with it new doses of excellent scriptural teaching and pastoral counsel for those struggling with (or captivated by) the power of sexual sin, and for those called to minister the Word and grace of God into their lives. One of the most recent helpful resources is Adam Barr and Ron Citlau’s Compassion Without Compromise. Barr and Citlau’s easy to read book speaks from personal and ministry experience, as their title suggests, with compassion, and without compromise–following Christ. The Compassion Without Compromise website includes both short discussion videos and a helpful discussion guide.

Secret ThoughtsFor a more extensive personal narrative of life and conversion from a life pattern and culture including sexual sin, Rosaria Butterfield’sSecret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert: An English Professor’s Journey into Christian Faith gives profound encouragement, hope and reality–and challenges readers to the richness of simple, faithful Christianity. Butterfield’s testimony to the grace of God in Jesus Christ has been widely influential in evangelical Christianity in America.

Gospel and Sexual OrientationA more exegetical and theological short work, valuable for church leaders, as well as members, is the study produced by the Reformed Presbyterian Church in North America: The Gospel and Sexual Orientation. Finally, Sam Allberry’s short book, commended by a number of evangelical theologians, is also worth a read: Is God Anti-Gay?, along with helpful resources he and others have brought together at Living Out.

Each of these resources brings the truth of God’s Word to us. God’s grace and strength in Christ is sufficient for all of us, for every sinner who comes to Him: “whoever comes to Me I will never cast out.” (John 6:37) “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9). None of us are beyond being washed, sanctified, and justified in Christ, by the Holy Spirit–to a new and growing life, reconciled with God, and welcomed into His kingdom.

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